The Five Stages of Gluten-Loss

As most of you already know, Fuego has Celiac's disease... basically this means that her body treats gluten (found in wheat, barley, rye, and oats) like a threat and attacks it (and her intestines along with it), so she can't eat it, drink it, put it in her mouth, freebase it, or really even look at it funny. Thus our home has become a safe-haven for her gluten-free needs and my cooking skills have been put to a new test as I seek new ways to make all of our favorite things and learn what our new favorite things will be (such as polenta medallions with homemade cilantro pesto, fresh grated mozzarella, and sliced tomato -- mmm).

What this has meant for me is that, since Fuego and I generally eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together everyday (yes, this is uncommon in today's world unless you're independently wealthy or retired... but a family-friendly employer - aka "God" - makes a HUGE difference ;o), I have been almost entirely gluten-free except for those blessed Sunday morning donuts with my church-school class and the blessed Sunday evening pizza with youth group. What I have discovered has shocked me to my very core.

...

Since about a year into seminary (now about four years ago) I noticed that my usual easygoing nature and mellow disposition were turning into an inner struggle for peace while my stress levels and blood pressure increased steadily. I blamed it on the work load and having to stop my normal exercise routine -- which doubtless contributed significantly.

I found temporary relief in Lenten disciplines of evaluating stressors and letting them go before they got to me, but these practices -- try though I might -- didn't solve the long-term problem that I was becoming someone I didn't want to be.

By the time Emjay came home to us, Fuego and I had pretty much just accepted that the stresses of constant over-scheduling and heavy workload were something that I could no longer simply absorb without feeling the common effects of stress and tension that most normal people feel under those circumstances, and that I needed to slow down (a bitter pill to swallow, mind you). Still we found that I was frequently grumpy without necessarily any explanation.

About two weeks ago we suddenly realized, when a bout of grumpiness set in, that I hadn't been grumpy in about two months. Although I had been under inordinate amounts of stress at work with St. ECWIW's haunted house, annual run to Disneyland, clergy retreat, and diocesan convention all occupying the space of a single month during which I still had my normal work to do, sermons to write, etc. -- I think this was around the time of my last post about having more to do than time to do it -- I still had been pleasant, relatively unstressed, noticeably NOT grumpy, and had been feeling more like myself than I had in years!

What had changed about two weeks ago? Well... it was our vestry meeting at church that day -- which meant that I had donuts for breakfast, a healthy vegetarian wrap for lunch, and pizza for dinner. Fuego was quick to point out: "Three meals of wheat."

I quickly dismissed the possibility that my elevated base stress levels, irritability, and impatience could possibly be caused by my favorite food in the world (no, not JUST donuts and pizza... but ALL bread, pastry, and bread-related foods!!). But the sinister seed of doubt had been sown, so I took note over the next week.

Here's the shocking part.

On the days when I ate products containing gluten I generally felt tired, bloated, and gassy. I felt irritable, I felt easily stressed out, I was less able to tolerate the normal neediness of my daughter, I felt more controlling and anal, and I quickly felt winded on my morning jog with Fuego.

So I decided to put this notion to rest. I ate whatever I wanted for the whole of Thanksgiving week. I had a bear claw and a chocolate croissant with my morning coffee on Monday, drank beer, ate stuffing, had pizza and donuts, and made an appointment on Wednesday to have a blood test done to see if there was anything to this field-research.

By Friday, I felt tired, my joints ached, I felt irritable, stressed out, grumpy, controlling, anal, gassy, I had diarrhea, I felt nauseous, my head felt cloudy, I felt drunk at the end of a meal without any alcohol, and I skipped my morning jog with Fuego. I basically felt like I had taken up smoking by consuming a pack of cigarettes and three cigars at one sitting -- about what I figure malaria must feel like, really ;o)

My doctor told me that gluten intolerances are fairly uncommon and that unless I was of Northern European ancestry, there was little chance that I would have either an intolerance or even less likely Celiacs disease, but that he would order the tests for me anyway.

As I come from a long line of Vikings, his words were not particularly comforting! Any further "Northern European" and I'd have to be offspring of a polar bear.

So... Here I sit. My doctor says that my test results were negative for Celiac's disease but that I do, in fact, have a gluten intolerance, which can eventually lead to Celiacs, (at least if I slip up I won't be physically damaging my intestines and increasing my risk of GI related cancers like Fuego). But regardless I don't get to eat my favorite foods anymore. I don't get to drink normal beer anymore. I don't get to eat movie-theater popcorn anymore... because someone thought it might be a fun idea to put gluten in the hydrogenated oil packet they use to pop it. And, unlike Fuego, I'm not aglow with the light of a million fairies knowing that I've discovered the missing link to my relatively few symptoms. Plus I don't even get the satisfaction of having a disease named after my condition, so no one is going to take me seriously when I tell them that I'm "gluten intolerant" (and here I always considered myself to be a tolerant person!). What do they care if I feel like shit for a few days; so long as there's no lasting damage, they're off the hook!

Thus we reach the five stages of GRIEF in my process...

1. Denial... Fuego is really the only one who has to give up gluten, I can still have my pizza and donuts every week at church and a beer with friends. After all, I don't have Celiacs!

2. Anger... Hmm... why do I feel so much better when I'm not eating gluten?? Why do I have to take bicarb just to fall asleep after having ONE LOUSY beer?? Damn you, cruel fate, why do you mock me!?

3. Bargaining... I bet it's not really true, I can get by eating just a few things that only have a little gluten in them -- like my favorite tortilla chips at our taqueria that were just fried in the same oil as the wheat tostada bowls... oop... nope, where's the potty?!

4. Depression (my current stage, mind you), where I discover and lament all the things that suck about this. I think the worst is the fact that drinking a single beer makes my head feel cloudy and drunk and then I have indigestion that keeps me up for the rest of the night. (Apparently when you cut out an allergen you become more sensitive to it... *awesome*)

5. Acceptance (I'm getting here, but it's a bit slow). Here is where Jane already is, accompanied by the elation of feeling 500% better than she has in over 25 years.

Don't get me wrong, I really am grateful to feel like myself again. It has literally been years since I have felt so mellow and unstressed, and I know this is going to do wonders for my blood pressure. Plus the joy I feel at being a parent is finally what I always thought it would be (unless I've been "glutened," in which case I begin to understand what used to make my dad rant and rave and shout -- I wonder if he has a gluten intolerance/Celiacs too??). The positives do by FAR outweigh the negatives.

One of the plusses is getting to experience what REAL brewing is like! I will be going to the local feed store to select a combination of grains (rice, millet, buckwheat, and sorghum), which I will soak for a few days until they germinate, at which point I will dry them and then roast them (roasting while the grains are still a bit damp produces a nutty flavor that I'm looking forward to experimenting with), at which point I can finally boil them to make my "mash," from which I will brew the beer (the process will add about two weeks to the normal two-week brewing process). The enzymes present in barley grains that help to convert the starch into usable sugars during the boiling process are less in the non-gluten containing grains, so I'll be using about twice as much ingredient (roughly 10-15 lbs of grains for a single batch). What this boils down to (sorry), is that I'm going to need a bigger pot, a roasting pan, a book on "all grain" brewing, another book on gluten-free brewing, and a bit more patience than previously needed. The end result will likely take a bit of time to perfect, but I'm really looking forward to taking the next step in my brewing mastery!

Some major life changes are present at the Garnabus and Fuego household this Christmas season. What I can say with complete honesty is that we're both feeling better, healthier, more energetic, and more like ourselves than we have in years -- and it has done wonders for our little family in more ways than I have time or decency to mention in a public forum ;o)